During my recent holiday, I had a significant realization about my career path. I found myself uncertain about the next steps to take. For some time, I entertained the idea of writing a book or starting a business related to my expertise as a designer. I hoped to leverage the nearly two decades of experience I had accumulated in the field.

However, I came to acknowledge that my passion had waned. The drive and enthusiasm that once fueled my ambition had diminished to a mere flicker. Despite this, I didn’t feel as though I had strayed from my path; rather, it felt like I was rediscovering it.

Over the past decade, I’ve had the opportunity to work with prestigious companies on high-profile projects. While these experiences were enriching, I observed a pervasive culture of prioritizing career advancement at any cost, often at the expense of others. This realization left me conflicted; I couldn’t reconcile placing my career above the well-being of my family or colleagues.

Reflecting on these experiences, I felt a distant beacon of wisdom guiding me. I recalled conversations with a close friend who has faced numerous physical challenges. Despite his adversities, he remains unafraid, acknowledging that true control is often elusive.

Contemplating this insight, I came to a profound realization: I am not fully immersed in my creativity, and there are limitations beyond my control. Despite my efforts, the pursuit of professional success alone cannot sustain me. It’s akin to drawing water from a well that can never quench my thirst entirely. While it may provide financial stability, it cannot fulfill my deeper needs.

Seeking guidance, I turned to mentors who are also friends for advice. Should I reignite my passion, document my journey, or seek solace in ancestral wisdom? Concurrently, I found myself drawn to cemeteries, seeking to understand my roots in central Illinois, a departure from my earlier desire to escape to larger cities.

Admittedly, confidence has been a personal struggle. I thrive on recognition, which initially drew me to the tech industry. The immediacy of feedback from online content provided validation for my efforts. However, as my work became more complex, the gratification diminished. Yet, working on personal projects, like creating a card game with my son, reignites that sense of satisfaction and connection.

I’ve come to realize that my wellspring lies in creating and sharing. While crafting comes naturally to me, sharing feels daunting at times. Despite fears of inadequacy or judgment, I understand the importance of embracing vulnerability and owning my journey, failures included.

In acknowledging my flaws and setbacks, I confront the reality that I am both the obstacle and the solution. By embracing this truth and cultivating confidence, I take the first step towards reconnecting with my passion and purpose.